there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
