i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
