Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
