I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
