I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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