Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
