I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
