She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize