her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
