Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
