At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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