so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
