So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
