I love black thongs
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
