Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
