OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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