Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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