Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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