you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize