I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
