I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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