I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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