bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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