News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
