We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
