My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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