I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
