THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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