WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
