I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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