We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
