there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
