im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
