if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
