I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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