And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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