Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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