So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
