you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
