I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
