i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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