can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
