Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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