Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize