STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
