at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
