Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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