i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
