We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
