When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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