i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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