She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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