You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
