I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
