My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
