We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
