and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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