is your mom at the bar?
I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Randomize
