The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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