Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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