she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
