foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize