You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
