Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
