Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
