She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
