Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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