I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
