are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize