you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
