Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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