Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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