I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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