It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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